In a few months I might have already left this city. Eternal traveler. Sometimes I wish I could pause time and look around at the immutable scenery and unchanged people. The most important is the non existent movement of people, meaning we don’t part.
I have a hard time writing about emotions lately. It is as if staying in the computer labs for too long also makes me a machine, or rather, makes me aspire to be one. To be honest, I have a hard time writing about anything which doesn’t start with def or class. Most of my days are spent thinking about how to implement some idea (or recovering from that). But it’s important to not be seduced or fooled by science being the only holy activity in the world. I think the more I try to become a scientist, the more I understand that perhaps I really don’t want to.
There are things in the world which are worth spending time on but I still haven’t figured it out – completely – what these are or rather, how I would get to these activities. Working on an algorithm for advertising doesn’t feel exactly like one of those things. Neither does working for a bank or a start-up that optimizes the laundering process (reference to http://nymag.com/news/features/laundry-apps-2014-5/). But what then? Is further education the answer, or is finding the right company / idea the best way? Can one – who has no reputation nor an excellent mind – do better than dumb apps or first world services, or is that the top that I could ever realistically achieve? Or perhaps the Arts are the answer? Fuck, I think I have ideas but I don’t have a plan at all, I keep just following the motion and doing whatever I find to do without thinking that far ahead – which is not good, I suppose.
Or perhaps, I should get real and accept that most of us will never make an impact nor anything that would ever justify one’s existence and yet, that is perfectly fine and in fact, this is how majority of people carry out their lives. Nah. Don’t think so.
Also, everyone left the labs. Lazy bums!